Two days ago I sat in a Costco parking lot crying because my husband said that I didn’t need to get a part-time job (in addition to my other jobs).

To be honest with you, since I was little, I’ve believed that if I’m resting or not doing anything that I think is constructive at all times, I will somehow end up in poverty with no way to get out.

I watched people struggle my entire life and once I found myself in debt as an adult without any savings or a job, I went right back to that same toxic way of operating.

I didn’t know it then, but my thinking contributed a lot to my heart palpitations, stress, and depression. There’s a Post-it note on my desk that says “Show yourself some compassion”, yet I rarely do. One of my favorite things to do is to be hard on myself. Now that I’m out of debt and financially stable, that mindset is still alive and well within me.

My temporary amnesia paired with a touch of insanity usually kicks in whenever I’m in a period of transition.

Who am I? Am I a burden to DJ? Am I keeping us from making “real progress”?

These are the actual thoughts that show up during my moments of panic. And during those moments, I immediately attempt to abort all of my plans and goals to become, what I consider, “more realistic” until…

DJ brings true reality to my doorstep.

He literally talked me off the edge of insanity and reminded me of how far we’ve come by pointing out our budget spreadsheet that shows how all of our bills will be paid this month with money leftover. He showed me our checking account with a one month buffer inside of it and showed me our fully funded emergency fund.

Yet, I continued to cry because I just couldn’t see how all of that was what we have fought and worked so hard for.

I didn’t get it until later that night when I randomly logged in to my personal checking account to check my billing info and saw that there was $4,000 in there. A whole $4,000 that hadn’t been set aside for a specific bill or purpose.

It was just silently living in my account while I’m crying to my husband because he won’t let me go work part-time in Amazon’s warehouse…WHAT THE HECK?!

How do you not know that you have an entire $4,000 when you were scraping for pennies so many times in your life? How do you forget about getting paid when a few years ago you didn’t even have a payday to afford to pay your bills?

The answer is simple, once you are financially stable those things don’t consume you anymore and I hadn’t even noticed the money. I’m no longer poor or broke. I’m not a burden to my husband. I do make money even if it is irregular. My future is bright and I have to stop acting like I’m one moment away from being destitute!

Mindset Matters.

The poverty mindset and fear that I’ve carried for 28 years ruined my health, destroyed my faith and knocked me off my destined path multiple times. Not because I truly had something to fear but because I thought I had something to fear.

Getting your finances together is a wonderful adventure, especially if it includes obliterating debt. But, there comes a time when you’ll reach your goal of financial peace and you’ll have to be strong enough to let go of the thinking that sustained you in your prior stage of life.

Will I ever forget the struggle and lack that I’ve experienced? No.

However, I do want to enjoy the peace that comes with having your -ish together and being able to follow your dreams and take risks with no regrets and I hope you’ll do the same when you reach whatever your idea of financial stability is!

$tay Wealthy Friends,

— Dannie